our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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