Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
