yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
