I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
