You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
