You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i need some magic done to my vagina
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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