I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
