Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
