he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
