Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
