I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize