Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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