In the future we'll all be gay
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
