did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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