Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
