please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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