we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize