I want to stick my p in your. b.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
