I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
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yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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