I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
