also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
