SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
