Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
