dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
