Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
