your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh god it's open bar.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
