I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
