This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
love makes seman taste better
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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