Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
