who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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