He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
