He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
