i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
bring money and cleavage
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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