woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
