Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
