She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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