Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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