Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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