ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
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i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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