He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
