i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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