I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
