Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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