if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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