Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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