4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
