don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
