Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
