no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
