but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
