I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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