When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nobody cheats on THIS.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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