those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
