We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
