he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
