I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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