The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
