now i know why i became what i already was.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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