i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
