I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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