I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
