my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
