you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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